| THIS IS ALL OUT WAREFORE It has come to my attention, through another confidential informant, that Stephen Roberge has been mocking me at the Blacktop during my absence. I've been regaled with stories of Roberge hollering things like "Where's Lenny" and other such foolishness after he's made a shot at the Blacktop (which we all know couldn't have been too often) over the last month. Often or not, the very idea that Robes would attempt to humiliate me in my absence is troubling indeed. I must say that I'm appalled that Robes would take an opportunity like that to poke fun in my direction. Certainly I would never take such a cheap shot at Robes like that. My CI further advises that Robes, earlier this week, was preaching how wonderful the games have been at the Blacktop without me and that everything has been tranquil and harmonious while I'm not there, as though I'm some sort of agitator. Well, that's it. The gloves are off. I will be at the Blacktop this Saturday and Robes, do yourself a BIG favor - don't show up. Go to Home Depot or to Sheriff Hodgkins house or whatever - but DO NOT show up at the Blacktop, for your own good. I'm not in a good mood and somebody is going to pay. Don't let it be you. Be smart and make yourself absent from the deSilva residence this Saturday. You must have some Christmas shopping to do somewhere, other than go to the Blacktop. This is all-out warefore as far as I'm concerned.
COACH STIGMATA I have to admit it. It was good to be back on the Blacktop again today (Sat. 12/4). Nine combatants showed up to wage battle during the course of the day. Norm "Hamhocks" deSilva, Ambrose "Chainsaw" Smith, Kurtis "NBPD" Gonsalves, Jose The MVP, Justin "Paulo" Coelho, Steve "Spec" Roberge, Chad "Stigmata" Pimental, Jeff "The Assassin" Gardner and Lenny "The Biter" Grandfield braved the 40-degree weather to partake in some basketball. Everybody played well, even Robes (which I hate to admit). Spec was consistently all over the court both offensively and defensively for his team. Hammy was 2 for 2 shooting, even though he had 25 uncontested shots, before leaving for Springfield. Chainsaw hit 25-foot jumpers from all over the court. NBPD hit a variety of circus shots and long-range jumpers. Jose The MVP typically played bigtime "D", rebounded and hit a number of in-the-lane jumpers. Paulo, playing with a weak back (how long's he had it? Oh, about a week back), played well underneath, both scoring and rebounding. The Assassin hustled like a wild dog and dove onto Hammy's lawn numerous times to save balls. He also consistently nailed some 16-footers from the wing. The Biter was the voice of reason out on the Blacktop and made sure that harmony and goodwill prevailed throughout the day. Ah, but Stigmata. Stigmata continually took one-on-four 28-foot jumpshots after one of his teammates would foolishly outlet the ball to him. But, as bad as Stiggy's shot selection was, his decision to coach out on the Blacktop was reprehensible. Now, although we all know that Stigmata was All-EAC Conference in basketball at Dartmouth High School, All-Little East at UMass Dartmouth, an honorable mention NCAA All-American his senior year at UMD and then played professional basketball in Europe for a while, I didn't realize that he had coaching experience. Granted, that type of basketball resume' does entitle a player of Stigmata's capabilities to coach some of the lesser players at the Blacktop, but do they want to be coached? Not since Jungle Jim and Eddie "Larry Bird" DeMello tried to coach a few of the more inept players at the Blacktop has anybody dared try it. Of course, at least Stigmata doesn't try to coerce you into removing your shorts before teaching you the finer aspects of the game like Jungle Jim did. Still, here's Stiggy taking some of the most, as Mike Croteau used to say, "ill-advised" shots of all-time and yet he has the "sack" to pontificate to a player of lesser ability which, of course, we all are in Stigmata's world. Stig, do you really think that you're the only one who knows that an inside player should keep the ball high above the reach of shorter players? Wow, what a revelation! Next, you'll be coaching people as how to stay out of the lane after 3 seconds on offense or that we shouldn't give up the baseline while defending the drive to the basket or that a player should pass, rather than dribble [which judging from your past experience against the amoeba maybe you don't even know], against a press. Still, even with all of your expert coaching, I bet people still do some of the above listed things on occasion. Let me explain it to you simply Stig. I'm almost 48-years old. I've been playing basketball since you were just a gleam in you father's eye. Have I ever heard that you should try to keep the ball up, if possible? Yeah, maybe 7000 times. Do I do it all the time? Nah, no way. Do I stay in the lane for over 3 seconds sometimes, even though I was coached not to? Yeah, sometimes. Do I give up the baseline on a drive? Sure, sometimes. Do I dribble against the amoeba? I don't even know, I've never had to. But I can tell you this; I only took one 28-footer today, while my teammates weren't even in the frontcourt yet, and it went in. Can you say the same thing? As Bill Shakespeare once said, "Physician, heal thyself". Or, to make it more relevant to you, "Stigmata, coach thyself". Better yet, to quote a future Blacktopper, "ram it". -----------Oh, and by the way, while I'm on a roll, when did we become so politically correct that we have to toast somebody just because they either just had, or are expecting, a baby. Big deal. Babies are born everyday. Spec, you cracked me up with the political correctness you exhibited after the games today. "Lenny, are you going to toast The Assassin and Kurtis?" Hell no! Did they toast me on the three ocassions when I popped kids (this would have been while you were in diapers Stigmata)? I'm tired of expert coaching from Stigmata and Spec being in touch with his feminine side. Oh yeah, it's great to be back and to be the keeper of tranquility at the deSilva residence. Peace, y'all.
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2004 STATISTICS
Listed below are some unofficial statistics that have been generated in certain categories at the Blacktop this year. These stats won't become official until Commissioner Roberge has time to verify and certify that they are accurate, at which time they will be re-posted. The stats, as they are calculated at this time, are: Most field goals attempted: Steve Roberge 2,349 - Kurtis Gonsalves 2,224 - Cliff Furtado 2,194. Most field goals made: Lenny Grandfield 864 - Mark Gonsalves 834 - Rick Jalbert 793. Highest field goal percentage: Norm deSilva, 5/8, 62.6% - Rick Jalbert, 793/1410, 56.2% - Jose Gonsalves (not counting lay-ups), 541/1003, 53.9%. Most rebounds: Norm deSilva 1093 - Jose Gonsalves 986 - Jeff Gardner 833. Most screens set: Norm deSilva 6,339 - Jose Gonsalves 342 - Ambrose Smith 296. Most assists: NC deSilva 946 - Norm deSilva 533 - Jeff Gardner 475. No assists: Steve Roberge 0.
Most injuries (in order of seriousness): Billy Eccles / hand - Jeff Gardner / wrist - Jose Gonsalves / back, neck, knees, thigh, ankle, finger, forearm, coxic.
Most abrasions: Jeff Gardner 9, Ambrose Smith (counting blisters) 7, Jose Gonsalves (counting aging skin spots) 4.
Most turnovers: Steve Roberge 178, Jose Gonsalves 61, Stigmata (due to amoeba) 57.
Most steals: Kurtis Gonsalves 83, Mark Gonsalves 72, Steve Roberge 68 (counting the steals from his own teammates).
Most blocks (against all Blacktoppers): Lenny Grandfield 54, Mark Gonsalves 10, Kurtis Gonsalves 9
Most blocks (against Lenny): Jose Gonsalves 358
Favorite teammates (poll of Blacktoppers): Mark Gonsalves, Kurtis Gonsalves, Jose Gonsalves, Rick Jalbert, Ambrose Smith, Norm deSilva, NC deSilva, Cliff Furtado, Stigmata, KC Grandfield, Jeff Gardner, Lenny Grandfield, Brian Jalbert, Brian the Backcracker, Bob, Joe.
Least favorite teammates (poll of Blacktoppers): Steve Roberge, Robes, Spec, Stevie R., SR.
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