"BRENDA, THERE'S HUNTERS OUT THERE!"
Ambrose "Chainsaw" "Little Bitch" "Butter Knife" Smith regaled me with a confession that was dumped on Chainsaw by none other than Norm "Hamhocks" deSilva a week or two ago. Seems that after a few alcoholic beverages, Hamhocks got in touch with his feminine side and spilled his guts to Chainsaw and a couple of other Blacktoppers regarding a major shortcoming in his life. Seems Hammy needed counseling on a matter that was troubling his soul, and who better to psychoanalyze someone than Ambrose Smith. Smitty listened intently as Hamhocks spoke of a day when, believe it or not, fear totally consumed him. Evidently, Norm was in the deSilva residence, with Brenda and Erica, when a couple of hunters popped out of the woods and into the deSilva backyard. Hamhocks took exception to this and told Brenda and Erica to go out and confront the trespassers while he, Hammy, ran to a closet and called the police. Not knowing the number for 911, Hamhocks called directory assistance for the Dartmouth Police telephone number while the deSilva women marched out into the yard to find out what was going on. Norm then dialed 911 and told the cop that there were hunters in his backyard and that they didn't belong there. The officer asked Hammy if the hunters were refusing to leave after notice and Hamhocks had to admit that he hadn't bothered to confront them with the fact that they weren't wanted there. Norm stated that, since the hunters were bearing guns, he had sent his wife and daughter out to talk to them. The astonished police officer advised Hamhocks to grow a couple and find out what the status was outside. As Norm crawled from the closet on his hands and knees, Brenda and Erica, who had just come back inside, informed Norm that the hunters had apologized for the intrusion and were on their way back into the woods. Norm stood up, puffed out his chest and told the cop that he'd handled everything and that a police presence would not be needed. Hamhocks hung up the phone before the cop could reply. Chainsaw told me that he was incredulous that a man with the size of the biceps and triceps of Hamhocks could send two females out to do a man's job, but that he just patted Norm on the back and said that everything was fine, so as not to totally emasculate the big-armed guy. Please don't mention this story to Norm. Chainsaw Smith is afraid that all of his counseling will go down the drain if Hammy is confronted with what we really think of him in this instance. |
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"I'VE GOT BLISTERS ON MY FINGERS!"
Does anybody remember the 60's classic Beatle LP "The White Album"? Actually, the album had no name, but was called the "White Album" because it came in a totally white album cover, with no writing on it at all. At any rate, the album had a song on it called "Helter Skelter". This particular song gained great notariety in the late 60's and early 70's when it became the focus of a murder investigation in Southern California. Seems a psychopath named Charles Manson (who could have matched up well against Jeff "The Assassin" Gardner at the Blacktop) thought that, through this song, the Beatles were actually trying to tell him to instigate a race war in the United States. Manson thought that by having his henchmen commit some murders, blacks would square off against whites and, when a new leader was needed, Charlie would step in to take control. Charlie Manson was in touch with reality about as much as Steve "Spec" Roberge thinking that one of his teams can actually win a series at the Blacktop. Manson is still in jail over the fact that the prosecution team was able to prove, beyond a reasonable doubt, that "Helter Skelter" was Manson's motiviation to commit murder. I'm here to defunct that notion. "Helter Skelter" was actually sung by the Beatles as a prophecy at the Blacktop some 30+ years after the song was popular. If you've ever heard the song, at the end, the music gradually softens and then ends for a few seconds. Many people think that, at that point, the song is over. Patient people, like myself, continue listening, at which point, the music starts up again and John Lennon screams, "I've got blisters on my fingers". This song was actually written, in Nostradamus-style, about a Wednesday night Blacktop matchup between Rick "J-Man" Jalbert and Ambrose "Butter Knife" Smith, a week and a half ago. On this particular Wednesday night, J-Man blistered Butter Knife continually and really murdered Butter Knife in a style that Charles Manson would appreciate. As mentioned on the Home Page of this website, J-Man shot 96.7% from the field against Butter Knife's defense and, at the end of play for the night, all Butter Knife could scream was "I've got blisters on my fingers". In fact, after the slaughter that evening, the following Saturday Butter Knife was still suffering from the after-affects of his torching on the previous Wednesday. As Ambrose was running down the court, I spied blood dripping down his leg, from his knee, and I inquired about it. Ambrose sheepishly admitted that he was bleeding as a result of the blisters that he had suffered at the hands of the J-Man Wednesday night. Hopefully, Ambrose (alternately called "Little Bitch" or "Chainsaw" or "Hacksaw" or "Butter Knife") will heal up soon. It must be uncomfortable when your pants leg sticks to the scab that's trying to heal on your knee from the blistering you took trying to play defense on a Wednesday night. Nobody deserves that - not even Charles Manson.
ASSASSIN RETURNS - ROBERGE LASHES OUT
On Wednesday, October 27th, Jeff "The Assassin" Gardner made his long awaited return to the Blacktop. The Assassin has been showing up regularly, while on the disabled list, to cheer on his fellow Blacktoppers but, last night, The Assassin took to the court. Jeff played his regular hustle type of game with, what appeared to be, total disregard for his former injury. Many players, myself included, tend to somewhat nurse their injuries for a while, upon returning to play, until they get back into the groove. Other players, like Stephen Roberge, contrive what is generally referred to as a "Loser's Limp", whereby, when they don't play too well, they blame the injury that they have already recuperated from for the shoddy performance. For example, whenever Robes loses a game, which we all know is most of the time, you'll usually see him start to limp off of the court after the game has finished and he has, once again, lost. He'll then blame The Assassin for the ankle injury that was bestowed upon him by Jeff early in the Blacktop season. This is the classic "Loser's Limp". We all know that Robes' ankle is fully healed yet, after he's lost yet another game, he always develops the infamous "Loser's Limp." The Assassin, on the other hand, did NOT employ this stategy last night and it apparently deeply galled Spec, as evidenced by their exchange on the "Guestbook Page" of this website. Gardner, thinly veiled on the Guestbook Page with the alias "Poet Laura yet" takes a much appreciated (by me) shot at Robes' play last night. Spec comes right back, under the alias "Anonymous", to write a scathing limerick at The Assassin's expense. I have to admit, I truly enjoy watching them go back and forth at one another. Since both of them write some funny stuff on the Guestbook Page, this can only get better. Stay tuned to the Guestbook Page, while I do what I can to get these two to rip each other's throats out.
Althouth this is the Jose The MVP website, Robes still has no game.
Links to Other Sites
www.gardnertheassassin.50megs.com |
